It’s near impossible for you, as a small business owner or manager, to motivate an employee you do not like. But according to Liane Davey, author of the book, You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done, it’s time you address the issue causing the dislike, rather than ignore it. “For the sake of…your own mental health, it’s important to invest some energy in learning to like at least something about each of the employees you work with directly,” she wrote recently in the Harvard Business Review.

When you have negative feelings toward an employee, chances are that person will feel less motivated. That disengagement can, in turn, affect your entire team – and can lead to the kind of negative results you don’t want. Nothing will improve about a negative relationship with an employee unless you take ownership of your feelings and assumptions.

Explains Davey: “If the phrases ‘He makes me so angry’ or ‘She drives me nuts’ ever play in your head, you need to change your thinking. Recognize that anger, frustration, or mistrust is your reaction and that no one has the ability to make you feel something without your consent. Be curious about why you react the way you do and see if you can get to the root of the issue. You need to own your dislike; your team member does not.”

Here are three suggestions from Davey regarding how to motivate an employee you don’t like:

1. Increase your time together.

This may sound odd, but if you feel frustrated around someone, you probably try to avoid that person. Avoiding them merely makes problems grow worse. You need to create more opportunities to be together. Doing this will help you learn about what makes the person tick and how you can tap into those values as a source of motivation.

2. Focus on the positive.

Stop focusing on what you want the person to change and redirect your attention to what you do like and respect about the person. Pay more attention to the positive contributions that you want to encourage. The employee will be motivated by hearing how the team is counting on his strengths to be successful.

3. Get to the root of the employee’s behavior you dislike.

If something about an employee’s behavior is what’s bothering you, remember: Most bad behavior is not intentionally destructive; it’s self-protective. Perhaps he has a fragile self-esteem. Or maybe issues with anxiety. Find ways to talk with the employee in non-threatening ways to discover what’s going on beneath the behavior cause your dislike.

Bottomline

It’s not your job to be everyone’s friend. But if a sour relationship is preventing you from being able to motivate an otherwise talented employee, the risk is that the employee will fail, and that means you fail also. “Take ownership of your relationships with employees and make the small changes that will help you reframe how you think about them,” says Davey. “Even if you don’t end up becoming friendly, your relationship will at least be strong enough to keep the other person motivated.”

(via LifeHacker.com)